Did you think Lolly Lips was always getting laid in real life?

I'm so tired of not getting hit on by a guy that I'm going to take the initiative myself

"Jump on my dick, and then I'll help you with your quest in The Witcher."

I got a guy with an awesome body to let me go to a rock concert

Didn't let me play The Witcher — took the keyboard and sat on top of it

Cheated on his wife with the first woman he met and regretted it

Honey, I googled how to come from a massage. Why don't we give it a shot?

I thought you were late, but when you saw your tits you didn't want your whores?

I don't have to cook for you, but I do give you on a schedule

Every time I pick up a T-shirt, all the issues resolve themselves

You suck at Dota — I'm going to check you suck a dick

Gave an old iPhone as a Christmas present and had to suck it up like a new one

Almost blew me off on the first date, but the situation was saved by sex

Blew the guy's mind on the first day of self-isolation, but at least she sucked

Called an ambulance and had a domestic coronavirus test